Feelings of Being an Outsider

Some of you capsuleers(and the mercenaries too) reading my entries will have probably seen me in the Summit, or on other venues discussing mostly mercenary issues. When political debates or discussion about ships creep up, I usually fall quiet and focus on middling with my own things. I usually do that because during those talks I'm completely lost. I don't know what useful I could really contribute to those conversations, since I lack the knowledge in those subjects, and nearly all discussions in the Summit revolve around those two things usually, politics or ships. This leaves me in this slightly weird situation, which will be the topic for this day's entry.

Honestly, I don't even know why I'm in the Summit. Most of the time I'm just quietly doing my own things due to the reasons described above, and even when I try to comment something on the topics I usually get disregarded quick, from what I have noticed. I'm not saying that is the case, but that is how I feel when I'm in the Summit or other places which are mostly capsuleer populated. Basically, I feel pretty much like an outsider. Maybe it's because I don't really have the skills to maintain a proper discussion or a debate, at least Foley seems to be doing fine whenever he is around.

Regardless, it doesn't really feel nice when you're just sitting there, watching others talk while you just awkwardly stand there and think of what to say or do. Heck, I'm not sure what to even say anymore beyond this point. Is this a rant? A complaint? I'd say this is more a remark of my own feelings of insecurity when trying to interact with others socially. I mean, Foley probably doesn't have much more clue about politics or New Eden's ships than I do, yet he still gets around well while in the Summit. I could probably delve myself into the inner workings of every single ship in New Eden, but still left speechless when actual talk about it starts, the same would apply to discussions about politics, at least when not talking about the Intaki.

Then again, I write a lot in our own Intergalactic Summit than I do on the capsuleer one, or in the Summit in general. Maybe because the issues we mercenaries deal with are easier for me to talk about, or that I just feel more comfortable when around others of my kind Even though clone soldiers and capsuleers share similar kind of cloning tech, we are miles apart in pretty much everything we do, even our markets and economy are separated, and for a good reason. Perhaps if a channel was oriented that was mainly populated by mercenaries I would have more to talk about.

But in the end, that won't really solve my feelings of insecurity towards strangers, that'll be something I'll just have to start learning to fix. I hope so at least.

ཟར༴ཐ٦ཡཐ༴ འཤན༴བ བ༴ཏ༴མ༴ར٦ ٦ནད༴བ٦ ༴འ٦٦ད ན٦བ༴༴ٲ