First proper entry to this thing, about a thing I started pondering when I was talking to a friend of mine in the emissary I had just set up. The entire conversation was about a different subject, but something she said could be boiled down to a question: "Am I the same person who I was before becoming a clone soldier?". Technically not, most of my time is spent using clones that are nothing like me and don't even have the genetic structure that would link me to those clones. But still I use my name Denak, talk the same way, act the same way, my family would still recognise me if I met them again in my leisure clone.

But am I the same person deep down? The more I think about it, the more I am uncertain. Three years ago, when I was recruited into the Immortal Soldier Program, I was impulsive, quick-tempered and generally quite aggressive and loud mouthed. Now, reserved, thoughtful, quiet when among strangers but very relaxed when with friends, some might even call me cold and ruthless when in combat and that I fight without honour. Years of conditioning and strict authority when being trained might have had something to do with that, but in my opinion it's about something else, my implant.

No, I'm not talking about the generation 1 implants that caused their users to go crazy, I'm talking about the general idea of my "immortality". While I disagree that we are anywhere close to being immortal, you can't help the feel in combat that you seem invincible when even death itself can not reach you. For some, it could make you reckless, uncaring about others and yourself and living just to get another paycheck. For me, it has made me think about the situation, why I fight for the reasons I am fighting. In the faith Ida, it is believed that death is only the beginning of the journey, that after you die you are reborn in a new body to experience life again. Only the Idama can remember their past lives, and are the ones that can break the cycle. They think that cloning is only an extension of this faith.

I do not follow Ida to all it's beliefs, but the concept of rebirth has always made me ponder. Personally, I believe that when I die in battle, I am reborn in a new body just like in Ida, only that the body which I am reborn to is predetermined. I am an experience wiser, and I am now prepared to back right back into battle.

So have I changed after being made a clone soldier? In some ways yes, on others no. I am a lot calmer now than I used to be and also more open towards other people and not so cautious. Are all the changes good? I would like to think so. I may sometimes overthink things or not think them through properly, but in the end I like the new me.

Prataya yavati, readers.

ཟར༴ཐ٦ཡཐ༴ འཤན༴བ བ༴ཏ༴མ༴ར٦ ٦ནད༴བ٦ ༴འ٦٦ད ན٦བ༴༴ٲ  

Introduction pt. 2

And here is the second entry I made after I decided to continue making these diaries.

Entry #2
**The feed is turned on again, showing Denak now sitting on a chair behind a desk, wearing a lot more formal attire than the last time he was in front of the camera drone. He clears his throat a bit and straightens up his jacket, before speaking up**
It's been a while since my small diary about myself, 217 days exactly according to my NeoCom. A lot of things has been happening during these days, and I suppose I could go and explain at least most of it.
The most obvious one might be my suit, that's part reason due to us clone soldiers gaining access to our very own Intergalactic Summit, that'll be discussed later though. The reason why I'm wearing this is because I have set up an unofficial emissary for the Intaki people, explaining our habits and ways to the general clone soldier populace, and maybe clear up some misonceptions about our people. I even got a chance to talk to a fellow Intaki and speak our own tongue, it's been a while since I've last actually used it.
Anyway, the emissary is set up in a place called the Summit. No, not the one where people connect via holo, but an actual summit with rooms for people to set up their own emissaries to represent their corporations, nations, races or anything else. I find it quite refreshing to all the typing in the Galnet forum, both capsuleer and clone soldier versions. It was set up just a few weeks ago, and so far only my own unofficial and one PIE Inc. emissary has been set up here, I hope that more emissaries will come up, at least it will give me something to do when not fulfilling contracts.
Speaking of contracts, we have also gained a few new toys to use in ground combat, most notably new dropsuits and weapons, the scrambler rifle, plasma cannon and flaylock pistol. I've given a try to all these new weapons, and they are quite handy, there's also promise of getting a lot more weapons soon, wether or not that means a few months or a few years. We've also gained a few new dropsuits to fiddle with and some updates to my own. It caused a slight hassle at the start but I've adapted by now. And on top of that all, the Minmatar tribe Thukker opened Molden Heath for clone soldier corporations to conquer, which has been a major topic of discussions ever since its announcement a few months back.
As for personal developments, not much really has happened. I've gained new friends, lost old ones, all the while continuing to accept contracts and gain ISK steadily. One big thing is leaving my previous corporation though, just recently I had been accepted to the Intaki Liberation Front, since I Have recently regained my interest into my own planet's state, joining the ILF seemed like the best way to help the Intaki Assembly regions thrive again, if only in limited ways. I bid farewell to my old corporation Burgezz, I didn't really have the time to stick around and hear what others had to say since I was quickly removed from communications lists after announcing my leave, I hope they weren't too angered about it.
While the final processing of accepting me into the ILF are ongoing, I'll stop this here for now, I got other duties to perform, these logs might quickly be published into Galnet if all goes correctly with my application processing, maybe someone will end up hearing these logs after all.


Entry #1So, I don't know why am I doing this, and I am fairly certain this is a very bad idea if someone actually finds this recording. But I am still doing this, telling my lifestory to a person who might never even come. But maybe after centuries when my implants have failed and I have permanently died, someone will find this and read my lifestory. Here we go...

What there is to say about me? I am Denak Kalamari, a clone, somewhat an ostrich, a mercenary and a fairly efficient melter of faces up close. I am fairly normal sized, six feet five tall and a well built body. I was born to the Gallente Federation on the Intaki Prime planet. This is my first 'life' so to say, as the Intake have a practice of transferring old minds into an infant's body to preserve his life as a non-capsuleer. How did I end up becoming a mercenary? That is a long story.
Unlike most Intaki, I used to have a hard time keeping my emotions in control as a child, and I often found myself in fights with fellow children. Throughout my infancy and to late teens, I was very reckless and impulsive. When I finally turned 16, I moved away from home and started working for the Intaki Syndicate. Most of the time I was just smuggling contrabands and evading CONCORD whenever possible. Of course sometimes I got my share of fighting with the dealers I was smuggling the contraband. During a delivery to a Syndicate pirate, an assassination attempt was made on his life via the use of an explosive device. I was caught in the blast, but not mortally wounded, that is where I got the burnmark on the right side of my face.
When I turned 22, I was given a weapon in my hand and told to shoot a specific target. Of course I had handled firearms before for self-defence, but I never had to use it. The name of my target has long been forgotten, but the important thing is that it was the first time I killed a person, which laid the path for my mercenary career. From thereon out I was hired as a hitman, killing targets from regular pirates to famous crimelords which gave me the food to my table.
When I turned 28, I had built a reputation of being a fierce hitman, killing targets up close and personal with brutal efficiency. Then something quite unexpected happened, I was contacted by the Black Eagles intelligence organization. They had been tracking my movements for several years now, and had considered me as a candidate for the Gallente military's top secret project. I was told that if I accepted the call, I would become immortal. Since death wasn't going to be on my list of things to do, and I never liked the idea of being reborn or living my life in a capsule, I took the call. Little did I know where I got myself into.
I was transported over to a top-secret military located somewhere within Gallente deadspace, shielded with very powerful profile dampeners and a cloaking device. Once inside, I was moved onto a room that seemed to be the operating room. I was put into sedatives and after that my first memory was waking up on a bed with the worst headache ever and a large circular scar around the top of my head. I had lost all my hair and was only wearing a robe to cover myself. For several minutes I just laid there, observing the prison-like room until someone entered.
Finally I was told what this all was about, the immortal clone project. Due to my high combat-prowess and efficient killing, I was a prime candidate to work for the Gallente dropclone army. After that, several years passed where I was put through dozens of surgeries, put under rigorous disciplinary training under extreme conditions of pain, suffering and borderline torture, all used to 'prepare myself for the final trial'. At the age of 30, after learning to live with a gun at my side and trained to withstand the most extreme forms of pain, that final trial came.
I was placed into a room with nothing but a table, a chair and a gun on the table. A simple command came through the speakers, and the message was simple: "Kill yourself." At first I was shocked in awe at the command, rapidly switching my gaze from the door to the weapon and back to the door. Slowly I seated myself to the table, holding the pistol in my hand. I stuck the muzzle in my mouth, against my forehead, my temple, even against my chest. My hands were shaking and cold sweat was running through my body. But if this is what it took to be immortal, I would do it. I put the barrel of the gun back inside the gun, closed my eyes and held my finger over to the trigger. When I finally squeezed on it, I heard a loud bang, and then nothing.
I don't know about others, but the brief period between death and rebirth is always startling. And I felt confused, disoriented and sick in the very least when I woke up in my clone body. It felt so strange reawaking in a completely strange body. Our battle clones are always stock, only when we are not in battle can we use the personalized clones. I stepped out of the capsule I was standing in, shakily taking steps forward with my brand new body. When I was greeted by one of the scientists, only then I realized how big I was. Nine feet tall and with the strength to topple a small frigate, the scientist calmly examined me, muttering something about full conciousness transfer. I was stuck for several hours as the doctors and scientists examined me very thoroughly before I was permitted to leave. There was a window on the side, where I noticed I was on a planet now, with snow, ice and glaciers everywhere.
The place seemed to be a training facility of sorts, with hundreds of other clones like me training to get used to switching between bodies rapidly and always be ready for combat. This went on until I was eventually turned into an immortal soldier for the Gallente and other empires to use. I mostly do contracts for my corporation and occasionally do freelance work with other mercenaries. I was also one of the rare, or maybe even the only person to retain my original body before I was made to a clone soldier, that has allowed me to bypass some of the restrictions other clone soldiers would have, like being able to accept and give ISK from and to capsuleers and be able to travel around more freely in New Eden outside work.
So there you have it, my lifestory. Guess I could keep recording entries to this as a sort of a self-diary, maybe I could publish this on the Galnet if or when I pull out from the mercenary scene. But we'll see.


Why are you looking at this?