This may seem like a big thing, and in some cases it was. I debated about this for a long period of time, and the process of conversion was just as long, and many times more expensive and difficult. But the actual act itself, letting your old body die and waking up in your capsuleer implanted body, it was almost like routine. I suppose a full one and a half years of dying and waking up into a new clone has made me accustomed to the process. Arguably, it was a lot less painful and chaotic than what I had to go through.
Why did I do it? There were several points that contributed to my decision, but the simple fact of burning out was undoubtedly the biggest factor. I have countless articles written about the struggles and stress clone soldiers deal with at a daily basis, and I myself stated that they can burn out incredibly quick. I was the prime example of all those issues I detailed.
Now that this conversion is complete, and I have been flying in space for a few months, the difference is fairly daunting. For once in my life, things are quiet, the only sound I hear most of the time is the quiet hum of the engines. When I open my eyes, I don't see a grey, dust-ridden battlefield stretching to the horizon, I see space. Vast, endless space. And I can feel the ship around me.
Every capsuleer goes through this, but it still feels a simply mind boggling, unique experience to me. The rumbling, tingling, cold and warmth, all the little things the vessel I control, I feel to every little detail. I just can't describe it sufficiently. The intimacy of a dropsuit one wore can't even begin to compare to the ability to control and feel an entire space ship several times the size of any MCC, tank or dropship I have ever seen.
But even so, I still have my roots down on the ground, in that barren, dusty battlefield. I may be piloting several tons of metal with a mere thought in the vast endless space, but at the core, there is still a soldier, and all the memories of being one. My time as a soldier has shaped me to the person I am today, even if the memories associated with it are only of death and misery.
And where does this all leave me and this spot of mine in the GalNet? I do not know, to be honest. I am no longer a clone soldier, I can not be a clone soldier, which results in the name of this blog and the entire premise of it becoming outdated. But does it really matter in the end? I may have had this noble goal of "documenting clone soldier life", but in all honesty, this is-, and has always been, a place for my musings about my life as an immortal, regardless of its form.
To the few of you who are reading, following and commenting on my work and support me, I extend my deepest gratitude. I can't promise you that I will update this at a regular basis, as of late the only basis for writing anything here at all has been: "when I feel like it", or: "when I have inspiration". But what I can assure you is that this won't be my last entry. I still have great many things to think about.
ཟར༴ཐ٦ཡཐ༴ འཤན༴བ བ༴ཏ༴མ༴ར٦ ٦ནད༴བ٦ ༴འ٦٦ད ན٦བ༴༴ٲ
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